October 26th will forever be a date that is circled on my calendar, celebrated in my life and etched in my heart. It is the day that my husband and I committed to forever and joined two families as one. Since our wedding anniversary 10-26-13 is such an important day in our lives, we are using today to share our wonderful news! We are so grateful to announce that our family is growing–we are having a baby!
When I first met my husband, I soon found out what an avid soccer fan he is. After watching him play and listening to him talk strategy I learned that he puts the strongest emphasis on being a team player. We have applied this mindset to our relationship and I know that, in being parents, our partnership will only grow stronger. As we add little players to our team, we will continue to rely on God for guidance and strength.
I’ll be the first to admit that being pregnant is a lot harder than I thought it would be! Somedays I feel like I’ve traded in the pregnancy glow for fatigue and nausea! As my womb provides a growing space for this precious baby, my whole body is affected. Yet most of all my heart has grown with love for this little one. I’ve never been so aware of fruit sizes! Any time you see me you can ask me and I’ll be sure to tell you what fruit our baby is the size of this week! In sharing that I have struggled with the physical symptoms that pregnancy brings, I want you to know that more than anything I feel honoured to carry this life. I don’t take for granted that I have been given this gift.
There are women that would give anything for this feeling and I want you to know I see you. I acknowledge the fact that my greatest joy represents a great pain for many others. I don’t have any solutions to your fight but I want you to know that I see you. I’d like to share with you some of my personal fears and how I am still working through them. Loss was a very real fear of mine when my husband and I talked about trying to have children. I think when you desire something so deeply there is an anxiety that can start to creep in. There is a verse in the Bible that has taken me through some of my life’s biggest challenges. I hadn’t meditated on it in a while but it came back to my mind during this time. “This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” Deuteronomy 30:19 I believe that this was God’s way of showing me that we were supposed to choose life. No matter how long it took, how many hurdles there were, that we were to choose life.
The night before our first ultrasound, I could hardly sleep. I wanted so badly for them to tell me that my baby’s heart was beating strongly. They don’t let your partner in the room at the beginning of the ultrasound. I lay in my hospital gown as stiff as a board. The technician asked if everything was okay and I told him “honestly, I’m a little nervous”. He remained quiet which fueled my fears. After what felt like hours but was only minutes, the technician asked for my husband’s name so he could call him in. In that moment I prayed, “God, You are good. You are good if this baby is healthy and You are good if this baby is not-Your goodness does not change.” That may sound like a simple prayer but for me it was a deep cry to choose life. The ultrasound technician walked back in the room with my sweet husband and proceeded to show us the screen. My lungs took in the deepest breath as I saw this tiny baby’s heart beating so fast on the screen. Overcome with emotion, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. That was one of the most joyful moments of my life thus far. The baby moved around and I was amazed at the life that was displayed right before my eyes. While I’ve always felt that fertility is too personal of a topic for me to share about, I’ve also always admired those that are strong enough to open the cracks of their heart and share and let the light in.
As a photographer I’ve studied and taken many photos-but I can tell you that the most beautiful, blurry, black and white photo I’ve ever seen is my baby’s ultrasound photo.
We are so grateful as we prepare our hearts, our home and our schedules for this little one. The last four years of marriage have been an adventure but I know our greatest adventure is yet to come! We can’t wait to welcome our little one! I’m filled with awe as I wonder if he or she will be athletic like daddy, and/or creative like mommy. Will they like colouring or building? Will I know how to do their hair?! Will they be passionate about capturing life’s memories through a camera like me or find fulfillment in teaching and building a future generation like my husband? Or will they carve their own path and do things I’ve never dreamt of?
Thank you for sharing in our joy as we continue to choose life!
For those of you wondering what this announcement means on a professional level, here’s an update!
I have continued to shoot and edit this summer with our little one accompanying me! Since I’m self employed I’m not going to take a full year off. I’ve been extra selective in the timing of the jobs and weddings that I’ve booked for 2018. I believe that being a mother will help me be even more creative. Life is precious and I’m so privileged to help people relive their joyful memories through photos and video.